So I’ve been told by Wall Street and the Legend that I’m a little late with getting my blog up and running. Personally they can eat shit and die but hopefully this will keep them from complaining. While they’re my best friends, they remind me of my mother sometimes… ya see, I live in one of my parent’s houses in Connecticut, right outside the city and luckily I’ve made a few smart and unlikely investments with a bit of seed money so I don’t have to work; plus I’m in line for a family business so I can fall back on that. Anyways, I say unlikely because I’ve been told, and come to realize, that I was that fuck head in college that people were surprised to see graduate. And now people are even more surprised at the fact that the moron who would rub Icy Hot on his balls and asshole for $100 is actually retired. Anyhow, my mother is always stopping in and giving me shit about being useless and the fact that I don’t do anything… “honey you should get involved with a charity or something.” Ma, I’d rather rub my genitals with Icy Hot again. And don’t get me wrong; I do things… just not respectable things; maybe later on this week I’ll give you an itinerary of my typical day.
Oh well, I digress; I’m not going to lie, when Wall Street and the Legend came to me with this idea of starting up acpokerguys, I wasn’t too keen on it but I realized that since I don’t really do anything, I decided to join forces with two of my college buddies. Now at least I can look forward to meeting up with them a few times a month, playing some poker and most importantly getting absolutely shittarded and finding some talent. While I love playing poker (usually 2/5 no limit), I tend to get distracted after a couple of hours. Half the time I’ll just piss my money away, half the time I’ll hit it big. Regardless I usually go home with more than I arrived with…. it’s just not always won in poker. When I talk about getting distracted I basically mean that I drink. A lot. Usually my drinking will lead to some sort of asinine bet, and believe me I will pretty much do anything. Not so much for money but just to prove people wrong. Icy Hot is only the tip of the iceberg.
Last Thursday I was sitting at a table dicking around watching the Bears Redskins game. There was this real hot shot at the table who was trying to impress the dealer by being a real douche. And the dealer wasn’t even worth it… she’s had more pricks in her than a used dartboard but apparently this kid didn’t believe in standards. We all have our moments I guess. I was trying to be friendly talking about how they were lucky the game was in Maryland instead of at the Bears because it would be fucking freezing this time of year in Chicago. I told them about how on a dare I went in Lake Michigan during January. Immediately the guy throws out a wad of one hundreds and told me that I wouldn’t swim naked from the mall at Caesar’s to the Showboat for a grand. As if anybody could call my bluff, let alone some tattooed shit head trying to embarrass me.
So Derek (his name) and I walked out to the boardwalk with some other guys from the table. I made sure some halfway respectable guy held the money and walked along with him as they waited for me to get down to the Showboat. Swimming it was a literal living hell, my whole body was getting chaffed and my head was throbbing from the cold. I’m pretty sure my dick had gone back up into my abdomen. Anyways, I got there, got out, got my money and went to some dollar store where they didn’t speak English and got a towel. I happily ended my night in the 40/40 club, smoking a cigar drinking a scotch, getting blind and laughing at Derek. What a sucker.
